Oh god, I wish my mind would shut off for a bit. At least shut off the questioning bits so I could just charge in and do whatever I want, meaning or future obsolescence be damned. I'm probably just going to stay in, eat, watch movies and read. And try not to think about all the painful crap I'm terrified of.

I hate feeling so empty and helpless though. Like everything is doomed and there's no way I can stop it.

I am not okay.