I went on a shopping binge last week before I realized I was on the side of manic. Once I realized I was, I still tried to justify the spending and nearly continued, but somehow I stopped myself. I "mostly" bought things we need and I'm hoping I won't regret it. I bought 2 things for myself I may regret. They may be returned once I stabilize.

As far as starting to spend again, I know what you mean sorta. I spend long periods in depression, beating myself up over the spending. Then once I was considered stable, I still was traumatized and questioned my "need" for everything I own. I've even went off the deep end a few times and almost sold everything I own that didn't have a function for survival,.... just because I couldn't shake the overwhelming guilt. No comforts for me, because I don't deserve them. I don't even deserve a mattress, pillow or blanket and should just sleep on a dirt floor.

But eventually I recover, or I swing again... Only to repeat the process at a future date. Only thing I can do is work hard to prevent it from happening again. Understanding my patterns is helping me a little as well.

I'm sorry you are going through this and hope you find relief soon. In a positive note, people rarely regret saving money.