Here I am.... once more revising or perhaps understanding more.. of the "integration" process...for me..

I thought that I had it all figured out... how "far" I would go.. which alters that I would keep.. which ones would merge.. how they would merge.. Ohhh man.. just a day or so ago...

and then LIFE happened..

Life came into my life.. and now everything is different.. I would like to say that I am "taking" this in "stride" and am happy about the merging changing landscape inside my mind..
BUT... I am not... it was supposed to be controlled... suppose to be MY decision.. but it is not...

is so hard... so difficult... feeling "floaty" and not "myself" as I know "myself" to be...

What has happened? I ask myself.. I really don't like this feeling...my head hurts... my tummy hurts..

Alters in/out during the daily therapy sessions... few seconds here, few minutes there... ahhhhhhhhhhhhh...let me be.. Therapists literally asks me.. so can you drive..before I leave.. do you know your way home.. before I leave... yes,, yes.. I tell him... because on the way there I got lost and drove around and around trying to find his office..

So.. the question.. do I want full integration... well I may not have a choice... truely... LIFE happens.. and as LIFE happens... integration.. may happen... whether I want or don't want it..

Pls.. let this floaty.. headache.. tummy hurting feeling pass..