I used to think I was high functioning. Technically I was was, and I wasn't. I was able to keep jobs by the skin of my teeth. I think people felt sorry for me.

The appointment after I told my medical doctor about my comorbid bipolar, he started saying "you seem manic now". I wasn't manic, I was just quickly trying to tell my doctor about all my medical concerns and you don't get much time so my speech was rapid. I felt invalidated. I got upset and said "I don't think I'm bipolar". He said, I don't think so either and he referred me to a specialist. The specialist listened to a LITTLE of my story and said he thinks it might be PTSD. I didn't want to be bipolar, and I wanted them to fix me so I thought maybe they are right!!! It's very hard for me to consistently accept my bipolar DX. Sometimes I do completely, other times I'm so sure I'm fine and everyone else has the problem. Within a couple months I had another huge manic episode, ended up in crisis and I think it's obvious to anyone reviewing my medical chart that bipolar is the likeliest culprit.

If I see a doctor while I'm stable or even on the depressed side, I think it could easily be missed. Actually, it was for a LONG time. I was diagnosed with depression by most doctors because I didn't discuss my mania. It was too traumatizing and I felt like it was a moral failure. I think I come across as high functioning. But I'm m not entirely sure how other people see me anymore. I used to think I passed as average and now I feel like I wear my crazy on my sleeve 24/7 and I'm deluding myself to think I keep it hidden.