For a few years now I've been having these slight thoughts in the back of my head that's pretty self attacking. But since October of last year they are so strong that they've become uncontrollable and very bothersome especially when it happens during school. It usually didn't happen when I hung out with others but a week ago it happened at a friends house although I wasn't doing anything but drawing. No matter what I do it's just terrible and when they are too intense for me to push away I have a panic attack and start crying. It's like a second voice in my head constantly denying any positive thoughts I have for myself. Images or short scenes of me hurting myself or killing myself are usually when it gets too bad, occasionally I'll have a dream about harming myself while my family just sits and watch or encourages it. It's really distracting and sometimes I believe that second voice because I don't really have anything special going for me in life. But I still wish it'd stop.