I think you demonstrate a good mental attitude toward working on how to get through these painful feelings. A member from PC gave her definition of transference and attachment a couple of years ago. I'm including it below and hope it gives you a start on figuring out what you want to do. Again, it's not easy...but if your T is someone you trust, talking about it with her is the best way to deal with it.

Attachment is the emotional bond that the client has with the therapist. It can be secure, insecure ambilivant or insecure avoidant. A secure client feels safe in the knowledge the therapist is there for them and is able to experience a close, yet not clingy or overly dependent, bond with them as an important figure with which to do emotional work. but an insecure client generally distrusts the therapist and struggles to retain a sense of them as caring, consistent and there for them. This can be experienced either through clingyness or through avoidance of the emotional bond, shutting off feelings etc.

Transference can heavily influence attachment. It is basically the feelings and experiences and expectations that the client is transfering UPON the therapist from previous relationships. It can be conscious or unconscious, but usually the latter. So if a client experienced previous relationships as rejecting and not meeting their emotional needs, the client will assume or fear the therapist will react the same towards them. This results in an insecure attachment to the therapist.

This is simplified but hope it makes sense.