ECHOES, what you wrote makes a lot of sense to me. okie, I hope you will try to connect with someone in your current life if you need someone.

I think writing the letter will be therapeutic, even if you decided not to send it. Early in therapy with my current T, there was a third person in the room with us at times (figuratively), and he cast a shadow. It was a psychiatrist I had seen when I was 18 in my first year of college and had pretty much forgotten until starting to see my T. This psychiatrist and I had a major frame shift go on in our relationship and I felt profoundly abandoned by him. In turn, one day I left his office after a session and never went back. I had carried that hurt of abandonment for all those years and not known it and was not able to trust my new T because of that experience; unconsciously, I felt he would do the same thing to me. I worked through this with my T and ended up writing this psychiatrist a letter (but not sending it--I didn't know where he was) and also a story about us. It was kind of a way to memorialize the relationship and bid good-bye, which I had not done until then. Once that was past, T and I were alone in the room again and could move forward.