For me... my marriage was highly abusive ... and I wanted out... I wanted my freedom at any and all cost... and that was the financial part of it...

"you let me go free, I give you anything you want"... during the 2 1/2 years of "divorce" time... doors were broken down, stalking was done...

So my son did not really inter into the "chip" areana. Visitation was decided on...right away.. holidays were dealt with. No child support was decided.

Sole custody came at the very end.. when my husband.. went unexpectedly for joint custody... My ex-husband did not believe in "medical" intervention... and I had been the "recipent" of those beliefs during our marriage..

At that point,, when that came up... "I simply told him, I will bring you down to your knees and destroy you financially....you will not get joint custody ever".. a first for me... never dreamed of talking to someone like that before.

Years later, when my son faced surgeries,, I knew I had done the correct thing. Also when my son started kindergarden, my ex-husband's live in girlfriend developed Pneumonia... he told her she wasn't sick, refused to let her see a doctor.. until she was rushed in an ambulance to the hospital- at which pointed she passed.. in her 30's...

So yes in some ways my son was a "pawn".. but in a very protective Mom kinda way..

Every divorce is different..