Quote:
Originally Posted by tearsinabottle
I was thinking maybe he wouldnt admit to the "drug down" part because he knows it as wrong. And maybe he took contact and thought I had no memory of it. But then he knew I knew and he couldnt do anything other than openly said it did happen.
If it was a stranger and not my first boyfriend, I would not have wanted to see my rapist either. But its different because I feel bonded to the past, him and all that happened down there. Maybe I fool myself things can be good and that makes me sad  yesterday I shed half a couople tears being scared he will not see me and leave my life again. Not that he left me before, it was my father and his sister who cut us off. |
I know but still, one must be able to admit his wrongs otherwise he's just fooling himself into believing he evolved which is not true. It's also very dishonest for you that he won't admit it, no matter what his reasons are. Many times in my life I did things that turned out horribly, I only had good motives but people were hurt and I had the honesty to admit my wrongs.
What you want, is yours to decide. No one can decide for your life but you. I just believe he might abuse you again because you said it yourself, you're still bonded to him, you need some closure, it's obvious but you're still vulnerable, he realised it and might abuse you again. The fact he won't admit drugging you is a big alarm flag to me, like I said, you are free of doing what you want but if I were you, I would either report him (though keep in mind the fact you don't remember how it exactly went will work against you in court) or chase him out of my life any way that is sure to keep him out permanently. No signs of vulnerabilities, no forgiveness, it's not being mean to him, it's making sure he won't try anything again and it's for protecting you.