I have 2 older brothers. They are best friends to each other. It's incredibly triggering to me to be around them or communicate/interact with them. I constantly feel like an outsider, not only to their relationship with each other, but also their relationship with our mother and with our family friends. I don't always know the right word for how they make me feel - excluded seems like it's deliberately done, while left out might just be oversight. I'm honestly not sure which of the 2 applies, or which would be worse - to be avoided or to not even register as an afterthought. Regardless, it happens constantly and it makes me feel terrible. I struggle with trying to care less about the relationship (or lack thereof) I have, but somehow it's constantly present to me, even though we don't live close to one another.

Ex's:
1) I found out from my mother that she was at one brother's home for the weekend for his 40th birthday. I sent a card & called. She, my other brother, and several family friends traveled to his home for a birthday bash that I found out about when I talked to my mom while she was there. It hadn't occurred to any of them (I hope...or else it was deliberate) to invite me or let me know.

2) I found out via text from my mom that my other brother was deploying; apparently he told her, my other brother, and neighbors/friends across the street in person during the holidays. I had dropped in on our way to my husband's family, but he didn't mention it to me. I never got a call, email, text, FB chat, or any other sort of communication from him about it. I wasn't even sure if I was supposed to know at all.

3) During that holiday trip, we were only able to stop by for about an hour; my brothers made plans with the neighbors/friends across the street to go to the movies. Their plans meant they left halfway (30 minutes) through my very short visit. To go to a movie. Even though they were all there for about 4 days together.

4) The one brother has been deployed for a few months, and I have emailed and FB messaged him, with no response. My young son has emailed and gotten an email response. My other brother and the neighbors/friends who knew he was going included me on a group FB chat; he responds to them all repeatedly, never once to me.

For no particular reason, other than I was trying to not put effort into hiding it anymore, I recently told my oldest brother about my BP. He put some effort into calling me with no other reason than to talk; it happened maybe 3 times in about 2-3 weeks. I can count on zero hands the number of times he's done that in his life. If he calls, traditionally he either needs something concrete, or he's driving and is 'killing time'. It felt good that he was calling just to chat, but I realized we have no foundational relationship anymore. There's nothing I really have to discuss with him, and I have practiced giving up on that relationship and trying to make it more than it is for so many years, I don't think I can muster the energy to try to build a relationship now. Also, I suspect the interest in talking has a lot to do with the fact that his BFF isn't as accessible during the deployment. I found out from my mom that the other brother will be coming back stateside, likely this week. I expect that I'll stop hearing from the older one altogether any day now; actually, after those 3 calls, he hasn't contacted me in about 3 weeks anyway, except for an Easter text with a pic of my niece.