Quote:
Originally Posted by Lazarus16
I know but still, one must be able to admit his wrongs otherwise he's just fooling himself into believing he evolved which is not true. It's also very dishonest for you that he won't admit it, no matter what his reasons are. Many times in my life I did things that turned out horribly, I only had good motives but people were hurt and I had the honesty to admit my wrongs.
What you want, is yours to decide. No one can decide for your life but you. I just believe he might abuse you again because you said it yourself, you're still bonded to him, you need some closure, it's obvious but you're still vulnerable, he realised it and might abuse you again. The fact he won't admit drugging you is a big alarm flag to me, like I said, you are free of doing what you want but if I were you, I would either report him (though keep in mind the fact you don't remember how it exactly went will work against you in court) or chase him out of my life any way that is sure to keep him out permanently. No signs of vulnerabilities, no forgiveness, it's not being mean to him, it's making sure he won't try anything again and it's for protecting you.
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Yes, he should be able to admit it. I dont know what to think of it. Right now I think he may be devaluing me. As he may had an intent or believed we would have sex if he came here. He didnt say that directly but he tried joke "are we today grown up" and "should we behave". In a playing manner. Then saying he is decent too. He sent mixed signals.
Three days ago he love bombed me, sorta, how happy he is to have found me, that he wants to see me, that I now had found "him", that he had been wondering about me, thinking of me, wondering where that girl ( me) was, how I could just disapper ( as he had been visting my father and his sister and I was never there, not one picture of me ), that I should visit him and him me, going on vacation together. We could have back all that was missing in Asia. He said "This" time it will only be me and him, no interference from his sister. As I wondered how he would react if his sister and my father knew he would see me again. He did show me empathy and compassion for me being thrown out. He made me feel so good, that he cared.
He told me he still have videos of me. I didnt know he had secretly video taped me in Asia, except for one time, as I saw the red light from the cam. It makes me anxious what videos he has. Its not funny if it should be something bad.
Two days now its been like he wants to ignore me. Yesterday he said he would call me today, but he hasnt, yet, and now its 9pm
I was about to want to cry twice this evening, but did hold it in.
If he took contact only to love bomb me, admit what happened, get excited by that, then talk to me on phone 1 hour being empathic and so good to talk to, then tell me sweet dreams and love and to just not care anymore, I will believe he is another abuser, still, today.
I am feeling extremely vulnerable right now. And if he doesnt call me I would likely go in hiding for days. Like a little girl in the dark with her teddy.