Quote:
Originally Posted by TishaBuv
I think I do understand what you are feeling. This guy is even more than just him to you emotionally, he also ties in to your feelings of abandonment from your father.
If he doesn't call to see you again, fine. He's done you a favor.
But if he does call again, I think you should try to get what you need to hear from him over the phone-- that he did drug you and that he did rape you. It may have been fun and wild for him, but it was not for you.
Isn't that really what you want from him now?
If he really cared for you back then, why did he need to drug you without your knowledge?
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Maybe there is something in that....that I feel vulnerable because of abandonment from my father and all the trauma. I wish I knew why I feel so vulnerable. It feels very real to me that I miss this man. It feels like I miss him badly. It feels like he is the only one who can fix my hurt.
If he calls me again I wish he would care for me in real. Idont want anything else from him. I know what happened. He doesnt have to admit it to me. I dint tell him I knew he raped me because I hoped he would care for me.
If he doesnt call then I will know all his nice words didnt mean a thing. And if so is I guess he do me a favor as I dont need someone who fake love and does not care.
I have had much abuse in my life. I was raped when I was 18 too. By a boyfriend but I wouldnt have wanted to see him again AT ALL.
But this man when I was 15, I feel I miss him badly. So maybe it really is about abandonment.
I guess he didnt care back then, somehow.