I think I should be doing better. People are tired of me feeling bad, I'm tired of me feeling bad. my husband is 65 and self employed. I carry the health insurance but I just found out he has no life insurance either. we refinanced the house 2 years ago because he didn't pay his taxes. I would rather die and give him some semblance of security than life in this black hole of insecurity. i grew up abused and never had security and I still don't have it. I think dying is the ultimate answer to this *****. My kids are all doing well and are self sufficent, thank god. I'm rambling, i'm hurt, i'm anger, and I hate my life.