I didn't know anything about "cutting" until 1999. Even though the hospital staff was diligent about keeping anything that could cut out of reach, I didn't understand it then and I don't understand it now.

In hospital it seemed to be more prevalent among younger women. And, less frequently, younger males. I found another site today, but didn't join, as the target audience seemed to be teenaged girls with eating disorders who cut themselves regularly. Some posted photos. From the little that I was able to take in, I got the impression that this was fairly common behavior with teen girls who are depressed and have eating disorders.

I just can't understand why. I was hoping that someone here might be able to explain. I wish for death daily but I'm not suicidal. I hate the decisions that I made and the opportunities that I rejected and I hate myself for getting to this point of sadness and loneliness. I hate what my body has become.

But it's never occurred to me that I might find relief in, or punish myself by, cutting myself. It's a serious issue, I know, and it adds to my self-hatred that I think of the practice as, well, silly. I'm sure that others might find some of my practices silly and that if I were called out on something that it might make me feel worse (if that's possible) but maybe if someone could explain the reasons behind the practice I wouldn't continue to find it silly.