It may sound morbid,but when both my Grandparents were ailing and in their late 80's, especially my grandfather used to say,"you know a person can live too long."
It really bothered me. I came to live with them and care for them and drive them to 19 doctors appointments a week. And here he was saying that. They didn't want anyone else in the house,so I needed to do the cooking and cleaning too. ( you know how I feel about that)

Well,my cousin came back from his teaching position in Korea to relieve me. My grandma was a church goer and a believer. I got grandpa to accept Jesus before I left. He had spent his whole life an atheist. He said,"What have I got to lose, I may as well believe."
I'm going to heaven, but it's not really in my imagination. I don't think about hell too much either.

The present is hard enough to deal with. My Energy level is still very low. I'm unhappy but not sad. Emotions out of whack.