I am so sorry.

She only left a week ago. I admire your attitude tremendously, it shows a lot of strength. But please give yourself some time to get over the heartbreak. It will take time and, maybe, a little help. Perhaps you think she was a crutch, but she was really just weighing you down.

And you are only 30. I can understand, being 30, you feel as if the big stuff should have happened. But trust me (and everyone else here who is over 30) the big stuff is still to come. You can go back to school (especially if you are working at a university and can get a break on tuition). You can make plans for yourself that don't include another person. You are free do ANYTHING now....