yeah they looked at me like i was just trying to get a prescription pad >.>

but i've never liked taking medicine anyway so i had to educate myself... i obsess over it a little bit too much probably... but i can't really help it... i tend to obsess over things that are important to me

i never requested specific medications though but i guess because i was explaining things in certain ways they thought i was trying to lead them to specific drugs...
i asked them a few times for a stimulant and just wanted to get back on klonopin but they wouldn't give the klonopin back even though they agreed i could go back on them after a break, which i requested taking a vacation from the klonopin to lower my tolerance... and eventually they said they would let me try the stimulant but i would have to sign this contract thing... stating that i would pick medicine up at the clinic and take like alot of random drug tests - and if i had any alcohol or marijuana in my system i would lose medications and hurt my chances at ssdi or something like that... i was just like, nah im not gonna sign any contracts... that was the last appointment i went to i think - they treated me like a drug addict no body like i was malingering and all i was trying to do was be as specific as possible to focus on whats going on with me so i could get better, not just take drugs to hide the problems :/ but they dont want you to get better they just want you to keep coming back confused and doped on the drugs they want you to be doped on...

i dunno if they put malingering in my reports or not but the psychologist i saw in feb. made it a point to put in the report that he didnt think i was malingering and that i was in dire need of help in severe condition and making a "cry for help" type responses on the tests

the only medications i really want are the klonopin and stimulant for my thinkinking to clear up... i need an antidepressant or somethign but none of them work so im probably gonna have to go back on an antipsychotic for that... APs just scare me because of those side effects they can cause... zyprexa SUCKS - doesnt help much for me and makes me gain weight like a blimp - seroquel is ok but it makes me passout when i take it and is big pill... when they put me on trilafon i was already on so many i have no idea what that one did... the depakote is just something i dont think anyone should take unless they are having mania or maybe suicidal or something... its dope-a-kote for sure...
medications are tricky and they can effect each person a little differently... so i guess it really is a trial and error kind of processs... thats what they kept telling me atleast, since cant really be sure how its going to effect you or if its going to help...

but i didnt have any side effects on seroquel besides it making me sleep ( which i was having really bad insomnia so that helped at the time) it didnt make me gain anyweight... although it can make some people gain weight... it helped with the depression and anxiety a bit, wasn't a knockout like the klonopin but atleast you dont build a tolerance so much to it?

have you heard of vistaril(hydroxyzine)?
its a non-narcotic medication that they give to some patients to help with anxiety, it helps some people.. its not as potent as the klonopin but maybe something you could ask about? i dont think you build a tolerance to it too fast .. its an antihistamine

severe anxiety will make your depression worse in my experience... need to try to get it under control asap...

have you tried taking a hydrocodone or something?
opioids have a relaxing effect on me... they help my depression too... but they make me sick so i dont like taking them...

do you drink alot of caffiene? can try to cut those things out for a little while too since it can stimulate those parts of your brain and make anxiety worse...

i wish i knew some fool proof ways to handle anxiety but i struggle alot with it too so i really dont know any cures or anything... especially if its being induced by new medications

just try to breathe and slow your thoughts down... i've had anxiety and panic attacks for so long that when it happens to me anymore that i still remain somewhat calm and am able to kind of "drive" myself to the curb and rest till it passes... but can't always just dissapear and take a few minutes to recollect your self...

Anxieties.com | STEP 4: Practice Your Breathing Skills
check this site out