I know exactly what you mean when you talk about this kind of this. I never really had friends. The first friend I made was in the eighth grade, and I ended up distancing from her and left the friendship. In an email. Because I was so sad and I just couldn't handle it. I felt that she was ignoring me. Maybe it was an excuse. But I haven't talked to her since, and it had been two years. I have some new friends now, or what I consider friends, but I always have thoughts about it nor being real, that they hate me or think I'm stupid, or will leave me. Forget me. I'm afraid of leaving. So you are not alone. This community is here to help! We are here for you, and you are not alone. Don'the ever forget that!