Trying to get some employment advice on another site. I put down a quick version of my history of the past few years and one reply included advice that one should keep personal problems to oneself. No one cares, they just pretend to, then start planning how to terminate the relationship once they find out you're nuts. I recall I brought up something similar in a suicide thread here.

If that's true, let me be deluded just a little longer. I may drive away every potential friend with my usery, but this forum is a godsend. The feeling on connection and safety is a godsend. There really isn't anything to me except my mental malfunctions, but at least this place is full of other people similarly deluded, similarly lying (I guess?) about caring for others. It's a little less shameful that way.

But how are you supposed to trust who cares? It's horrifying when you think about it - caring is selfish at heart. I've only cared for people a few times, and it was because I couldn't bear to lose them; pure egoism. I didn't want to hurt from their loss. How can I trust anyone though, that no one's just putting up with me? I'm too weak, being alone is too painful. So I hurt others who hate me. And no, I likely won't trust anyone who replies and says they don't care. And in spite of all of this, I want to care.

I'm reading. No one actually cares about you, except yourself. Sure, you have people who help you in life, but no one actually cares about you, for you. You're problems aren't special, so stop whining, you're problems don't define you (yes, actually, they do). Everyone is mainly preoccupied with their own problems. For some reason, I can understand this, but can't accept it. Oh, and if others love you and are helping, you, you're getting in the way of their life and they resent you for it. Or, they only care in order to laugh at you, to build themselves up, which is horrifying. I crave others, but can't give of myself. It's too much. Everything is too much.

Look at these: https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/...are_about_the/

https://www.google.com/search?q=no+o...oblems&start=0

Other people try to affirm that there's always someone, even just a couple of people. I pray they're right. The isolation, just to think of it, is too much. Everything is too much.

If it isn't obvious, I'm miserable today. I really don't know if life is worth it. Screw hotlines and their people pretending to care.