it is risky behavior... i dont know if its related to suicidal ideation or not... it does give you a sense of control, to be able to control a pain...
for me its not related to ideations... because im not thinking about dieing when i do it, im thinking about living and being alive... it is easy to hurt yourself really bad when doing this though, i have heard of people cutting nerves and losing functionality in a whole arm... and obviously some have bled out and died... but for the most part it seems that most people that do it are making superficial cuts, not deep wounds... these kind of cuts will bleed for a minute and can stop on their own... so im not so sure its really related to ideation... i have heard of severe cases where people are severely ingjuring themselves though, it just breaks my heart... i dont think they really want to die... but just are hurting so deeply it gets out of control...

i think its becoming more prevalent because you see it in movies... on tv... on the radios... in schools... its just spreading around like a fad and kids pick it up...
thats why i dont talk about it, i dont think its something that should be shared with everyone... but when you see someones scars its hard to deny that something happened because the scaring just looks self inflicted...

i try hard not to do it, it becomes an addiction after a while... for example i haven't done it in some days... 3 or 4 ... i cant remember because my memory is so bad i lose track of days... but i am ok, i dont want to do it, dont have the urge... and i can go some time without it, sometimes months, years, and something happens and it happens... and then its a struggle to get myself out of the rut again, to stop and try to get away from doing it and everything...

its like getting high.... its something you can fall back on as a crtch... to have control over pain... because sometimes your life feels out of control, severely...
its just cheaper than drugs... sometimes easier to hide than getting high... and whatnot...

i wish no one felt like doing these things, but i know how they feel...

meditation is really a great thing if you can center yourself and focus...
i have tried many many times for quite a long time to do deep meditations but my mind doesn't cooperate at all on anything i try to do... so i just try to keep in the semi meditative state that i can constantly... but i often end up detaching my mind from my body...

i wish i had better explanation for this kind of thing, but i dont really understand it well either i guess
just dont start self harming ... and if you do... try to be kind to yourself... you dont deserve to bleed...