Quote:
Originally Posted by Lazarus16
Tearsinabottle, you said it yourself, you are confused, you feel vulnerable, yet, you would allow someone that raped you in the past back in your life? What do you think he will do exactly, what are his motives? To me, it's extremely obvious, history will repeat itself. Even if he had ''changed'', he think he did but he did not. You can't have a relationship with someone you abused, the relationship is broken forever, it just won't work. That's why I believe and you're free of doing what you want but trust me, even if you two got back together, what will happen? He'll dump his 3 kids and come live with you? You'll leave your life behind and go live with the man that abused you? You have contradictory feelings towards him, obviously because he raped you. Those will never go away in a relationship with him, you could live with him but it won't be a happy life. The only solution is to move on and chase him of your life permanently. You need closure for this terrible event back in your childhood but not this kind of closure.
He is a sociopath. Not the type of your person you want in your life. Do you think it's normal to pay thousands of dollars to go visit one of your ex from nearly 30 years ago for 2 days? That's very irresponsable. What about his 3 kids? I bet if he tried to explain what he's about to do to just about anyone, people would frown eyes and ask themselves ''is he okay? What is wrong with him?''. He has responsabilites, he has a life as a father and he's showing a great deal of immaturity by acting this way. Instead of becoming a real man, he's running away from his responsabilities and giving in to his pulsions. That's what sociopaths do. They're very unstable persons. They're dangerous and he might harm you or worse when he's alone with you in your apartment, no one knows what's going on in his twisted mind.
Like I said, this is your life, you're a big girl, you're free of doing what you want but it's not a coincidence in literally NO ONE is telling you to meet him. Think about it.
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Lazarus, I have never thought about it that its weird he comes see me, because of all that have happened in that family including my father. But I will admit I would think the same as you if it was you or someone else. But I cant get myself to not wanting to see him. I will also admit I understand that other people would frown and not believe what they hear if they were to hear him having contacted me after what he did and just like this. I can try be shocked too, but I am not. I think because I dont think or feel the way I should feel about this. I have a few times these days said to myself "what am I doing". I havent had much time thinking through things and I am responding very spontanious to this.
I never though I would see him again.
The only reason I feel safe is because he is in family. He isnt that stupid to harm me when he knows everyone would know. May be I am naive there, but I really think he wouldnt do that. He has children and he csnt risk going to jail for his stupidity.
I have no idea what he thinking about us or anything. He might just go back to his country and thats it. Maybe that is for the best. I may not be thinking clear. When you said I could never be happy with him because of what he did, it striked me. I got a feeling you may be right and I am fooling myself because of overwhelmd feelings about this and him. It feels like a dream, but reality with him might be another.