Hello Igenio: Yes, there is something alluring about the attention one gets when one is ill... at least that's the fantasy. My personal experience has been that the reality seldom lives up to the fantasy... especially when it comes to mental health problems. From my perspective, there is no reason you should feel disgusted about yourself for having this urge. However, it may be useful for you to investigate what it is that is causing it... perhaps with the aid of a therapist... if you don't already have one. My best wishes to you...