I can't get enough of the transference topics. They are endlessly fascinating to me.

For purposes of context, I am female. I had huge maternal transference with 2 ex-Ts that I saw when I was younger. The fact that I was so young makes perfect sense. (I saw one when I was 17, and then began seeing a different one when I was barely 20 years old.) The 2nd one I saw (the one when I was 20) - that one was the biggest maternal transference of them all. I would think about her all the time outside of sessions and there was enough of an age difference where she fit the perfect "mother" figure. I really can't say it was erotic because I never fantasized of doing anything sexual or romantic with her. When she did enter my thoughts, it was more like us just hanging out or running into each other somewhere, or going to a park for a session but the talk would be more "two-way". I did have dreams of visiting her at her house and I told her about them. She found it interesting that in my dreams, her "house" had gold panelled walls in one dream, and in the other it had a huge library with ceilings that looked like something out of Downton Abbey. She interpreted this to mean that I really held her in a place of esteem, a high pedestal so to speak. When I finally brought this whole issue up, I can still vividly recall that she kept the session going for an hour and a half (double time) because she wanted to make sure that I had really talked it out. [I was not charged for that or anything.] When I had to terminate (not because of this issue) she told me that she had seen maybe 500 different patients over the course of her career, and that I was one of the very, very few who was the most "real" with her, and #1 out of everyone when it came being open about my feelings toward her as the therapist. I really grew and learned a lot as a person from this particular experience of transference and why I got so damn attached to her:

1) it made me more open-minded to the fact that you can really desire intense, deep connections with people (both genders) that have nothing to do with sexual or romantic attraction, just yearning for a deep understanding with someone. I've always wanted that deep down, despite being a shy and introverted person. Even as a child. But I feel that people who I am friendly with never want to go there with me. For instance, when I go to my home city to visit (I do not live there anymore) there is one friend in particular who invites me over to her house, but we always just sit together with her husband & one and/or both of their kids and watch TV. I would rather have a deep conversation with her the whole visit.

2) I was adopted but my birth mother played a role in my life as a "family friend" and her real relationship to me was kept from me for a long time.

3) My mom is a good mother in general but she was not perfect. She was an alcoholic for part of my childhood (especially ages 9-11) and unavailable while she was away in multiple rehab attempts or napping because she had been drinking too much. She is also a very anxious woman and I felt like I had to avoid coming to her with personal troubles when I was growing up in order to spare her from getting upset. I can remember she would get really worried (out of concern) if she saw me crying and that would, in turn, make me anxious because I would think there was something seriously wrong with having a normal human emotion. So I would do this "parenting of the parent," so to speak. I am in my 30s now and I still sometimes avoid being truthful with my mom when my depression gets really bad because she goes into orbit. So this therapist filled the hole because in theory, when you need your mother, she puts everything else aside to comfort you and take care of you, right? She's not supposed to make you feel alarmed or anxious. You don't know anything about her own needs. Same with a therapist. They listen to all your problems and all the attention is on you. Makes so much sense to me.

My current T is a normal and less intense attachment, my relationship with her comfortably feels like the role of a counselor or maybe slightly a teacher/mentor. The one before that (she was in between maternal transference T and current T) was the same kind of feeling.