I've had/still struggled with substance abuse and a few physical addictions in my time. I'll give up one thing and find the next cool thing to alter my thoughts, lack of control ect. On a good note I'm no longer physically dependent on anything right now. But my behavior yesterday scared me. I was depressed and bored and calling around for something, anything! Couldn't find anything and had a crying tantrum like a little child. So im still dependent on substance for mood control even though I'm on meds for bipolar. There's many things I could do, I could fess up to pdoc about abusing one of my scripts, I could go to meetings ect ect. But after all the cycles and pain, I'm just not there yet. I should of went to rehab when I quit alcohol but took a short cut and rapid detoxed at a local hospital. Because I wasn't equipped to deal with being sober, I fell into a very bad depression for months. Yea, I should of went to rehab. The one problem I have with rehab is the length of time I'd be gone. I'm naturally a home body and hell yea, I love my bed. But I'm starting to feel powerless regardless of what I happen to be able to quit, I'll just replace it with something else. I'm not working right now so it would be a good time to do it. But is there an option for something less than 90 days?? And what do I tell distant friends/family?

I'm very honest on here about my issues so please don't hold that against me or make me regret it. I'm here for support like everyone else. And I'm also well aware so I'm not looking for a lecture on the hell I lead. Trust me, I do know that I'm not "ok" and yea, I should of went to rehab years ago. I should of abstained from everything. I admit I have a weakness already. And me making this post is me admitting I'm powerless no matter how much I try to convince myself otherwise.

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