Not to be a consistent whiner but I'd like to share that since my recent stroke I am terrified of going to sleep.

I hate being afraid ....that I can die at any moment.
But that is what I am feeling.
And no one can do anything about it: fear and powerlessness.

The fear/powerlessness is worse at night.

T generously says I can call her at anytime...even at 2am. I would need to be d**n uncomfortable before I wake her at 2am. Trust that.

My emotions are all over the map since the stroke. Doctors explain my body has gone through a physiological and psychological shock.

I feel pissed, too. I was discharged 3/25/16 and I am still discovering my deficits. I don't know what I need.

Something else weird happened: the day before I was discharged I received an email inviting me to look at my medical information from the hospital online. I was looking for a head ct scan report but found my pathology report from my total thyroidectomy. It said I had cancer. That really sucked that I read about having cancer as I healed from a TIA...and the ENT...or anybody had not TOLD me about the path report...or explained it..or told me about follow up care. I was able to talk to the ENT on the phone the next day. Another irritation: now someone has removed ALL of my medical information from the online portal. Too late! I already read the path report. Now I can't find my echo report or any of the ct scans. There is just some random blood work results. Ack! AND on my "problem" list is the diagnosis of "renal insufficiency." No one has talked to me about that, either.

I have an appointment with my GP tomorrow. Thankfully she is not involved in any of this, so she can be somewhat objective. I don't think my appointment with her tomorrow will be near long enough.