Last night the lorazepam seemed to work pretty well. It kicked in fast, about the same as the klonopin, and I felt relaxed. I did get some anxiety at one point, but it was from thinking about a certain thing (I forget what it was). As soon as I started thinking about something different, the anxiety went away and I was relaxed again. As long as there is no rebound anxiety on this one, I think it's going to be good. I haven't taken one yet today, but my anxiety has been coming and going. I woke up for some reason 2 hours before my alarm worried about money, and now that I'm at work it's starting to get worse.

Yesterday at my before-work meeting I mentioned, we talked about how things have been affecting my feelings about work. I said that not being able to function here makes me feel like I made the wrong choice in careers, like I really fooled myself into thinking that I could handle this type of work. M, the woman I meet with, said that she doesn't think it means that at all, especially since I've had such bad anxiety at home too. She always makes me feel so much more confident about my work. It is frustrating though, that even day-to-day tasks at work make me so anxious and overwhelmed. I have to do things that push my comfort zone anyway, and lately it's been so much harder. Thankfully the HR person finally got me the paperwork for FMLA yesterday, so I can get that filled out the next time I see t. I don't know how much of it I will use, but it will be good protection if I need any time off. Thankfully too I can use any of my sick, vacation, or personal time, so my leave can be paid. Already I have a little over 3 weeks worth of paid time off, and I don't think I'll need that much.

I started journaling again last night. I had to wait for my XBox to update so I could watch something before bed, and I just kind of gave in about it. I've not done much of anything with the homework t has given me, and I've been blaming lack of motivation on my depression. But I do feel kind of bad for her about it. I know how much it bothers me when my client's do the same. Plus, I know it will work, and writing out goals and plans to meet them helps. I can't deny these things, so I guess I should just do it. I do want to feel better, right?