Omg I can so relate to your crying spell whilst calling dealer on the phone to no avail. I swear to god, that was me back @ the end of November. It was around my 90 day Mark. I made it to my 90 days and literally freaked out. I was a nervous wreck, crying, feeling sorry for myself that I couldn't get high on my birthday, etc. I got through it but I learned a couple of things; it was going to take a lot longer than thirty days for me to get well, also that I had to stop counting "clean days" bc it out too much pressure on me. I was also not for going away for any length of time. I'm a single mom and couldn't leave my daughter with my mother that long. She gets too stressed out. Everyone has their reasons of why it can be bad to go to rehab, however, if you don't feel like you can do it on your own, then maybe a detox/30 day program where you can do some outpatient and go home at night?

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