I think there is a lot of me that I haven't dealt with. I guess I've had some trauma, I've gone "crazy" and just done whatever I felt like for a while, and these days I really block all that out. It just hurts too much to think about. Like last night, my mind wandered back to my anxiety about a long-term client who initially reminded me of an abusive friend. Just thinking about that person still fills me with all these yucky feelings, because I've never dealt with the way he treated me. That's one reason I've been kind of wanting to start journaling again. This way I can have written down all the things that have happened in my past that I need to deal with, so I will remember them when I see t. Otherwise I get to our sessions and just go blank. Going through school the past few years I knew that I wasn't going to be able to completely block my past out forever, but I didn't have insurance most of that time so I never even bothered trying to find a therapist.

It seems benzos are similar to opiates for me. Different ones affect me differently. I've tried a handful of different opiates, and they all make me feel differently. That's how it seems to be going with the klonopin/lorazepam. Then again, I'm not 100% sure the lorazepam is going to stay better. Last night I took the first one, and went to bed before it wore off. Right now I'm doing ok, but it's only been a couple hours since I took one.