its easier for me to be open on the computer, im not an open book but if you ask me something i dont mind talking about it so much...

in real life i will panic and you will see my soul twinge, i dont like people to see me...
the things i think about are scary to alot of people... but i go where ever my thoughts take me to explore what knowledge may be there...

i have read into the satanic bible, i have looked into the druids, i have explored the wiccans... im not afraid... but people become afraid of you....
when you talk to them about lucifer... or if you question if jesus was real...

if you ask how god talks to someone...
they have judged me, but isn't it them that says judge not lest ye be judged..?

i would like to know how god talks to people, i have heard many things but none of them really answer me...

i have prayed and talked to god more than alot of people will in many lifetimes...
but i haven't received any thing in return... my dad will say you have to talk through jesus, jesus is the mediator between you and god... and i have tried that with the same effect... but if jesus was real, then how would he talk to god - if i can't talk to god
didn't jesus say that we will do things greater than him?

i wan't a direct connection, i am tired of talking through people and having mediators, people telling me this is what god says, this is what god wants, i want god to tell me directly, but i haven't any answers... just that i have to keep searching...

my aunt says that i am lost, but how is it that i am lost when i simply refuse to blindly submit my soul over to something i dont know or understand... maybe i am not lost and everyone around me is...
like i said before i am a blacksheep i guess... and i dont know anyone like me, i wish i had 1 friend that had similar ideas so that i wouldn't be so alone... someone that would question things with me...

i think that we are supposed to question things... didnt he say to seek the truth...? to seek the truth you have to question things... you have to compare words and look for fallacies

im not a bad person for doing these things am i?
the "devil" hasn't locked me in a mental prison because i opened the satanic bible and read some words..? i don't believe that is possible... because i have much uglier thoughts.. much worse things that i say to myself than that is even written in the satanic bible... the satanic bible is actually surprisingly pleasant- it just argues that lucifer is the light bearer and savior of mankind

but i dont believe ANYTHING that anyone says or presents to me.. if i cant justify it in my mind then it cant be true..
btw i dont follow satanism or anything like that either... i've just read a lot of things from alot of different places... im an intellectual...

i hope that i dont scare you or make you think differently of me too