i totally understand that... when i tried therapy i would go blank too, it really sucks...

journalling is really good if you can get yourself to do it, just write it all out and get it all down... you can talk to T about it in bette detail then and i've even heard some people going through the ritual of burning those papers after will help them release it... but i dont know if that would work for me because my mind is just like "haha burn them if you want, cant burn them out of me!" but if it works for some then thats great

i would like to start journaling... but its hard for me because i guess like you i just wanna forget about it and push it out of my mind...
when you start writing things down like that it kind of makes moe stuff come to the surface, you start processing stuff... which is a good thing, you have to process it to move on from it... but it can be challenging... just have to be strong...

benzos are like that too, different people will have different reactions... i really like the valium, but i have only had like 2-3 of them to try... i have tried like 1 xanax and didnt feel anything on that... had a handful of ativan/lorazepam and didnt really feel anything on them either... the klonopin are ok ... but the valium seemed to really hit it deep and hard - valium has that skeletal relaxant property to it too and since i have alot of physical manifestation of my anxiety i think thats why it help more...

just have to do trial and error... be patient and keep working with your doc to try to find the right medications..
do you feel like that something that was ramping up the anxiety is a little better ?

those paradoxical effects from medications always intrigue me - not that they are good things but its just interesting how something can do the complete opposite

im really into how medications affect people too... so i like hearing about peoples experience with meds...

that ambien stuff always scared me though, all of those sleeping meds like that make me nervous, i've never taken any of them and i wont... i would rather get some Zzzzquil or whatever even though it doesnt work so great, i just feel more comfortable with that than taking those stronger things like ambien

you're doing great... just have to be patient with yourself and these meds...
im impressed that you are still working and getting things done, you're pretty amazing