For a short stretch I was doing quite a bit better I think because of the relief of finding a T after trying for so long but I've just been sinking since.

I do not know how I am dragging myself to work every day. I do not succeed every day. Some days I stay home and some days I leave after a few hours because I am just overwhelmed with grief. All this week I've been at my desk in a state of shutdown yesterday I was able to leave early for the cardiologist but I went back in after hours and worked alone.

I RSVPd to a wedding that I can't go to because all of my coworkers will be there.

I only worked on two jobs today and I ****ed up both of them because I can't even focus my eyes to see. I don't know if that is from the depression or lack of sleep or because of the new antidepressant which I think is making me dizzy.