Hello Humpty I hope you are able to find some help for your struggling. Many here (including myself) share and understand the feelings you describe and I can say a lot of what you said resonated with me.

I think you should try therapy if you can. I understand you don't know what you want to accomplish but the first reason to go can be for someone to help you discover what you might accomplish. There is no shame in going into therapy without a clear goal and hopefully they can help you with that and help you to not be ashamed of this illness.

You should not be ashamed that you have nothing to be depressed about... That is the nature of this illness for many people---including myself... Mine was set off by a trigger but has persisted long after the trigger left, leaving me in dark hole with no discernable reason. That's what this incidious illness does to us, and it also makes us feel ashamed and unworthy of help and empty of hope. But help is out there please try to pursue it.

And do not be ashamed to call a hotline if you feel you need it... That is what they are there for.