I find it kind of funny that I have such a hard time coming to terms with my own problems, considering my line of work. But I haven't had a depressive episode this bad since my first, in high school. Ever since I've felt like I've been able to handle it on my own, but really I just smothered it in drugs and alcohol. When I started therapy last year I never thought this was where I was heading.

Guilting myself about things is one issue I'm struggling with right now, and I've brought it up to t as well. Because of my past I do feel a lot of anxiety over the possibility of bf leaving me, but then despite my worries I still pile all of my problems onto him, or so it feels, and feel like I'm pushing him away. That came up in the little spat we had a couple weeks ago, and the rest of the morning all I could think was that I screwed up and pushed him away finally. It's getting better though, and it helps that he has experience with depression too, so he understands what I'm going through.

I've had a lot of false friends in the past, who really didn't care about me and didn't want to hear any of my problems, so I eventually learned to just keep everything to myself. It makes it hard to open up to people now, because I'm afraid they really don't care about my stuff. It's slowely getting easier.