View Single Post
 
Old Mar 30, 2016, 08:15 PM
Velouria's Avatar
Velouria Velouria is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Aug 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 431
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bipolar Warrior View Post
I identify with almost all of it. I know I'm hypomanic when I can't sit still; I'm on my laptop and I can't keep my legs still. I feel agitated and fidgety. I often feel like hiding in my room because I know I am in what I call "troll mode" where I feel like I want to bite people's heads off just because they exist.

Also, I usually lose my filter - you know that thing you have that stops you from saying every thought that pops into your head? That pretty much just disappears, so I will say things I normally wouldn't because for some reason I can't seem to stop it from coming out. I also feel that pressure to keep talking, even though I am actually driving myself insane with it. I think I need to shut up, but I can't.

My mind also does the jumping from one thought to another thing, or it just feels like everything is spinning into nonsense and I can't concentrate on anything. My hypomania episodes are hardly ever pleasant experiences. I don't become productive, I feel on edge and become unpleasant. Fortunately they mostly just last for a week or so. Or maybe not fortunately, as I usually then plummet back into depression, but at least I feel more sociable when I'm depressed. It's easier to hide, even if it still sucks, you know?

Anyway, you are most certainly not alone.
Yes! I get into that "troll mode" as well, and I seethe. I'll do it quietly, but anyone can tell. Or I'll have a ridiculous reaction to something that's relatively benign, out of nowhere, and suddenly I'm agitated and wish I had a flamethrower. Or become the flamethrower. And I've been really afraid of losing my filter this week, since last Friday.

God, I am really identifying with you -- especially with the feeling that everything is spinning into nonsense -- I think that could be what causes a lot of agitation, maybe, that sort of mental confusion. Thank you for responding, you've given me a lot to think about.
__________________
"Every person, on the foundation of his or her own sufferings and joys, builds for all." ~Albert Camus

Cymbalta, 60mg -- for the depression.
Latuda, 40mg -- for the paranoia (delusional type).
Adderall, 40mg XR & 5 mg reg -- for the ADD.
Xanax, .5 mg as needed -- for the anxiety.
Topamax, 50mg -- still figuring this one out.

MDD, but possibly have some form of Bipolar Disorder. Then again, I could be paranoid . . .

Well, at least I still have my sense of humor.