Quote:
Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight
Dear T,
If I didn't know you were probably driving to the conference at the time, I probably would have reached out to you this afternoon when I was really struggling with my daughter. I just felt really alone out there, and that all the people seeing what was going were probably judging and thinking I was a bad mom, not knowing that my daughter's on the spectrum. And that she kept kicking and trying to bite me, so I had to be a little tougher on her than usual. Or when she kept trying to run away. I just felt helpless. And that people would think I was hurting her. I know you say I'm a great mom, but sometimes I just think I should be able to handle it better...
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight
Dear MC,
You said Monday that I can handle being my daughter's mom, that I just convince myself that I can't and catastrophize, which is doing myself a disservice. But what if I really *can't* handle it? If I can't keep my daughter from running off, having to chase her down, and having her screaming like a banshee and kicking and trying to bite me when I pick her up and me snapping at her and doing my best to avoid her attacks, which probably looked harsh from the outside...then am I really "handling" it? And now it's not just me that feels that way, it's probably a whole bunch of my neighbors, too. Wish I could talk to you before Monday but don't want to bother you. (Will probably e-mail before then, though at this point, between this and other thoughts I've had the past couple days, it would turn into a novel even by my standards.)
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I just want to say, I feel for you LT! I don't have kids, but am a preschool teacher to 2 year olds. A classroom of toddlers is absolutely insanity, and the struggle to feel like i am not patient enough, or kind enough to these guys is real. I know it ISN'T the same as a parent to a child with special needs, but just let you know you are doing your best. The fact that you worry about it is a good sign.
Also, EFF other people! So what if they think you are being a "bad" mom, most people who think that probably aren't parents, and have no clue what they are talking about. And if they are parents, they also have no clue what they are talking about, because they don't know YOUR struggles. I know it is hard to let go of other people's perceptions, especially with parenting, but you are doing the best you can. I barely have patience for repeated temper tantrums, and the constant throwing themselves on the ground and not moving, and the hitting of me....