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Originally Posted by musinglizzy
My T used to do those things. Tell me she loves me, and occasionally sign her Emails with "Love, T". Then all that stopped. Took me awhile to realize it....and when I asked her, she said the same as your T did. That's reserved for her private life, and to say it would not be "genuine." Ok..... but then she slipped up two weeks after saying that and said "I love you" when she hugged me. I didn't say anything or make a big deal out of it, but I felt honored. This all happened last spring/summer. Fairly recently I was having a vulnerable moment and I asked her if she loved me. Her answer was that she cared a great deal for me. Then, later that day, I got an Email from her, telling me she felt "bullied" by me, for trying to "get her" to say those words. I still haven't gotten over that awful feeling that she felt bullied. But I feel love for her, and sometimes, once in awhile, I want to say it. I know I won't get anything back, but I feel like saying it. Then I remember her bully comment and figure she may feel pressured, or that I'm pressuring her to say it back if I say it. I don't expect an "I love you too" anymore....but I do fight the urge sometimes to tell her I love her. Sometimes I want to ask her if it's ok to feel love for her, or will she just see it as transference or non genuine? If I knew how screwed up I'd get in therapy I never would have started it! Ok....very late for me, off to bed. But sometimes I still wish she'd 'slip up' again and say it.
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Your T reminds of the T I saw before my current one. I stayed with her for about 7 years though I didn't like many of the things she said to me. She would repeatedly tell me I'm manipulating her when I called her, and I wasn't! I just needed to talk to her because I often felt bad after my sessions. She laughed when I once asked if could get cured from BPD. She told me my pattern of obsessing over people in my life was like a childish crush, and I should just stop doing it. When I called her once to tell her I loved her, she said she had to start her day. She wouldn't hug me because I was "borderline." I kept hoping she would change, and acknowledge my child "parts" but she didn't. Finally, I realized she couldn't help me anymore (she did help with more practical problems) so I quit and found my current T.
I hope you have the courage to leave your T. I don't think she's all bad, but her using the word "bullied" is to me, unacceptable, as is her not recognizing that you have a need to express your love to her.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aloan
I feel love towards my therapist but I would never divulge it. Not sure why, just that it feels wrong.
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I've struggled with a number of Ts. I used to think expressing love to a T was wrong. I've changed. It's NOT wrong if you feel it, and it's freeing when you express it. It's more normal for clients to feel love for their Ts than not to, I think. And my T said she was told that you shouldn't see a client if you don't feel love for them!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cinnamon_Stick
My T and I have said "I love you" to each other. I can feel the love she has for me and her love has been so healing. It is making it even harder to end therapy with her thought so I think using the "Love" word in therapy can hurt when it inevitably ends. I hope that doesn't happen to you.
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Even if T gets sick, dies, moves away, I will always know that she loves me. I'm older so I'll probably die first, but you never know. Otherwise, I'm not going to end therapy with her. She changed her mind about some things, but her feelings for me aren't ever going to change. That I know 100%.