yes, this guy is toxic! you should never feel ashamed for letting this happen, you probably saw the minute small postive qualities and hoped for the best. we all fall into that trap but we learn from it. plus this guy stole your self-esteem and then dangled it in front of your face like a carrot on a stick.

I was in that kind of relationship, guy cheated and empregnated 3 women during the time he was with me! he made me feel like I was crazy when I suspected and confronted him with my suspicions, when I finally concretely found out the truth, he blocked me. I felt like the dumbest, stupidest person. so ashamed and remorseful for letting this happen. all my experiences, accomplishments down the drain the minute I took this jerk back time and time again and let him make me look like a fool in public. I took such a Nasty blow , I literally couldn't get up from the floor. When I found out, I just dropped....
but you know what , taking 100% responsibility is not what you should do, these jerks do this for a living, like a job or a routine, it's who they are and they prey on the kindness of other people. you should not feel bad. at least you're capable of loving and being loved, look at that guy look at how he treats people, he'll never have the capacity to give what you can give. he'll be 40, 50,60 trying to pull the same stunts and guess what? no woman is going to find that charming. he'll end up alone.
these people are sick! they're like a disease and you succumb. the best thing you can do is get counseling, get on meds if necessary and use that to jumpstart and recover yourself. it's the only thing you can do, to survive, to love again, to become stronger and better and in your mind be the best you can be.. for yourself! not for anyone else. self preservation is key.

those type of idiot selfish guys will get what's coming to them, it's not your fault he took your heart hostage. the best you can do is to decrease the chances of that happening again .. decrease it until you get to 0 chances of that happening.

you know what I did? I went to therapy and got on meds, i felt ashamed for doing that too, knowing I was in such a sad state while he went on his merry way. but it was the best decision I ever made, because I got better and once the meds kicked in and I felt it, I would think to myself: never again! won't let him get away with it killing me inside.

that guy is such an a-hole. you're 100x better than that! at least you figured it out and are not with him now, that's monumental and courageous!