Do you currently feel safe? Is there someone you can reach out to right now for help?

Life can provide more answers than questions sometimes. This can be difficult to process.

Do you have anybody close in life who you REALLY trust to share these thoughts with? I mean, besides the people who invalidate you. Perhaps a therapist? Going from one belief system to another can be especially traumatizing for a person. You have some big questions and I think you need support right away. I know it might be hard to accept right now, but I feel confident you will gain a new perspective once you talk it over with a professional.

I am sorry you are distressed and I hope you find clarity quickly.