Quote:
Originally Posted by Raindropvampire
yup by psychiatric definitions I'm batcrap crazy. However; my bipolar has nothing to do with me thinking that.
The crazy is chalked up to all the physical, mental, sexual and emotional abuse that was heaped on me from the age of three( could have been earlier but I don't really remember anything before three). I have a skewed world view, I'm paranoid and don't trust, I barely have a moral compass, I am so rational as to leave no room for emotion, my moods are almost like distinct personalities, I compartmentalize EVERYTHING and I have many abnormal beliefs. BUT if you are aware and make allowances for yourself and own the behavior can you really be crazy?  |
I am sorry to hear what you went through.
Possible trigger:
It's unbelievable what people can do. Crazy might be hurting yourself, but hurting others, crazy, fully psychotic or emotionless, is just inexcusable and wicked whether you are in full control or not.
Then seeing your behaviour and any guilt as separate from your self/soul is not just unhealthy for oneself, but very (morally) toxic and corrupting for any other human soul, including victims.
Maybe it is because people can't hurt themselves enough for their sins or troubles (starting just with the latter, to give a cause to mental/emotiona problems) and they hurt others severely to feel some pain, causing some cyclic, severely corrupting process. I don't know.
Have you also be diagnosed with DID?
I think owning your behaviour, not allowing your self/soul to be torn or splintered (if I understand you correctly) is the most heavily thing you can do. You sound very wise, certainly for someone without a moral compass.
Better to be wary than naive. Better to have your own beliefs than naively believing what others say. Better to accept being damaged than to expect a full mental normalisation/reorganisation, to be normal and/or ill.
You don't sound crazy, if crazy is unwise. You sound very intelligent and wise.
I wish you all the best. You are loved!