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Old Mar 31, 2016, 06:53 AM
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Member Since: Feb 2016
Location: A version of earth
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RomanJames2014 View Post
Lol.

I shouldn't laugh but I'm terrible at taking my meds!

If I'm not not taking them to be a manic little revel. I'm not taking them because I forget or don't care enough to take them.

I belive that I am not addicted to any drugs. It's I retesting because having parents who were addicted to drugs and painkillers (dad) and cigarettes and coffe (mom), I take out my addict genes o. The mania.

I'm addicted to mania. Therefore, like any addict would, I break compliance to get my manic high.

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I completely understand what you mean. Those genetics/processes are typical for those with BP. Some indulge more others less, in various ways.

I am rather addicted to self-sabotage. Much a personality thing: my weapon to shoot myself in the foot of "choice".

But (the) scientific method/rigour has helped me: if you look close enough at your progress in dealing with BP there is enough to see that goes wrong, that varies and threatens stability, to not need any added variables of sabotage.

If that makes sense. Maybe you could try it: look close enough and you see the variability and small mistakes. No need to deliberately make them.

Stability can be fun: not/less monotonous.
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Mania kills cells. Brain cells die. Memories become more reduced conceptually, making more efficient use of limited means. Memories shape our reality. Our memories are more or less split in two by abstractions, conceptual reductions. Mood states with memories, concepts, attached. Memories of pain and those of joy. It causes instability, changeability. Fearing that will leave an emptiness between pain and joy and a greater divide.
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