Thread: Memory
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Old Mar 31, 2016, 10:04 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zijax View Post
I have bad short term and long term memory. Your descriptions of memory are very thought invoking. my memories are photographic and sometimes I don't know if they are real or from a photograph, especially childhood memories. This would be dissociative. I have forgotten many traumatic memories as well. I forget appointments, keys, directions; sometimes wind up in the wrong city while driving. i forget that I landed on my sisters doorstep with two black eyes 10 years ago due to an abusive husband. My memory is selective and sparse.
This is very interesting. Your memory kind of transcends both types: indeed, the photographic bit would be dissociative, but the other things you mention might be more associative (or just impaired dissociative) or maybe just a (slightly) impaired working memory (which I think is related, but can also just be clouded by anxiety).

Also the trauma/anxiety aspect is very interesting. But for me, mildly traumatic experiences from my childhood are really much like the protographic type you describe (that it was rather mild may be the reason).

I also remember not just as a photograph but as a film I can play and rewind in memory, from a few times I was extremely manic/psychotic. Many other things I've done while manic are completely gone (luckily, in many cases).

All other episodic memory is really impaired (I remember very little from childhood, adolescence or even just what I ate yesterday or the day before).
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Mania kills cells. Brain cells die. Memories become more reduced conceptually, making more efficient use of limited means. Memories shape our reality. Our memories are more or less split in two by abstractions, conceptual reductions. Mood states with memories, concepts, attached. Memories of pain and those of joy. It causes instability, changeability. Fearing that will leave an emptiness between pain and joy and a greater divide.
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