Firestorm,

I totally understand that you do not want to be in the same room as this person. In your opinion, they did something totally heinous. But to your partner, this is her brother and she still has familial feelings towards him. Also, he was only 12. You don't know that he did anything like that any other time in his life. I'm not condoning it, I'm just saying that people, especially children, deserve the opportunity to rehabilitate and grow up. I mean, that's one of the reasons children's court records are sealed up, so the silly mistakes they made as kids don't always follow them everywhere.

I think you need counseling over this. The fact that you want to control whom your partner sees and doesn't see is very disconcerting to me. What else of her life are you going to want to control because of YOUR past? Soon you won't want her to be around her own parents for fear they mention her brother's name.

I think the other responses are dead on in that you need to get some counseling for this individually, and perhaps do couples counseling as well. And definitely you shouldn't be thinking about getting married if this and controlling your partner consumes your thoughts so much.

Best of luck,
Seesaw