Are you having this lack of emotion while under the influence? Maybe the substances are helping to dull the emotions. And as much as I agree with everyone else's replies, I have to say that when I was heavily under the influence, to the point of blackout, I did some pretty bad stuff that I simply didn't care about or consider the consequences. Maybe it has something to do with my BPD, maybe it's all booze, or maybe I'm the next Jeffrey Daumer lol. Now that I'm not drinking anymore, I often think about the things I've said and done and feel extreme guilt. I will admit I still take part in things to dull the feelings but not like I was a year ago. Just a thought!

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