Oh God. I realize popular vote has me as should be feeling happy excited but I have got to BE REAL here, if nowhere else.

My life has been a failure. I am a failure and I don't see what point there is in my doing much of anything. Doesn't mean I won't keep moving....I just can see absolutely no point in it.

I wanted to find a life partner. I've f'd up every relationship I've ever been in (not that any of them were keepers - but that just goes to show you how bad my judgment is, too.)

I wanted a closeness with my family. Nope. Not. Just one of the very large group of us - and it's an extended family member - not even from my primary, immediate.

I wish I were not alive anymore; I'm so tired of this BS life.