Hi. Sorry for not replying. It seems to take a long time for my posts to be validated and appear, which makes keeping up on here difficult.

So something that's bothering me at the moment is a girl that I met last autumn. We hit it off, but only saw each other af few times before she left the country on a trip to India that was supposed to last around a year. I put her out of mind and went on with my life.

Some time in January, I got a message from her asking how things were going. I asked how it was in India. She told me that the whole trip hadn't really worked out and that she had come home early and whether I wanted to meet up. I was kind of surprised and flattered that she'd called. Turned out she'd only been in the country for a day and I was one of the first people she had contacted, which was a nice feeling.

Anyway, we met up, had a few laughs, and started to become friends. We kept on seeing each other over the next few months and there was a bit of sexual tension between us. One day she came over and while watching a film she started to cuddle up to me. Nothing more than that happened though. A few days later she invited me over to hers. I was feeling kind of beat though and told her that I'd come by some other time. She seemed really dissapointed and told me that she was looking forward to "male physical company". That peaked my interest so I went over to hers.

Same thing as before happened that night and she started to cuddle up to me. At some point I told her I wanted to kiss her. She was a bit resistant to the idea, but she did kiss me for a whole five seconds before telling me that she couldn't. I smoke and she couldn't stand the taste or smell of cigarettes. It all felt a bit anti-climatic and disapointing and I went home that night thinking about things. In the end I decided, if that was what was in the way of things progressing, then it was an easy fix. So I quit smoking.

We meet up sometime later and we have a talk about things. She tells me that she doesn't want a relationship with anyone, that she's lost her sex drive from taking anti-depressants, etc. She goes on like this and as we talk the real reasons start to slip out. She didn't want a relationship with me because she didn't think my status was high enough for her. It wasn't about attraction or enjoying each others company, it was about the pride she would feel by showing off to her friends. It was about the trophy aspect, not the connection.

I should have walked away right then, but I wanted to be wrong. Stupid of me really. The more we hung out the more her self-serving attitude shined through. It was always about her adgenda. No middle ground. If we were going to spend time together then it was doing what she was interested in doing. We talked about the things she was interested in. Always her expectations that had to be met. Always her emotional needs that took presedence.

Last week I told her to shove it. She was house sitting for a friend and was ill, so she was bored. She asked me to come over. The usual thing happened and we ended up cuddling on the sofa watching TV. It got late and she said she wanted to go to bed. I told her I'd like to stay over with her. She refused me and I got a taxi home at 2.00AM in the rain. When I got back I was pretty mad so I sent her a message telling her that I was sick of being used as a disposable body pillow and gave her an ultimatum. Of course if you're ever in a position where an ultimatum is required there's really only one outcome - so that was the end of that story.

Couple of days later and I'm picking up some stuff from her place and talking to her housemate. Turns out that this girl had been seeing another guy on the side. He was the head chef of some resturaunt but he had rejected her. So all along I was the safety blanket. She wanted this chef becasuse he had a good job, status, traveled the world, ect. She didn't want me becasuse I was unemployed and a homebody. The second time I met this girl was actually the night I'd lost my job, so she didn't really know me as anything more than some guy on benifits. Wonder how this whole thing would have played out if she'd known that before that I was the currator for the second largest gallery in my town, a semi famous artist, or that I've got close to 1/4 a million in the bank. I reckon that she would have been desperatly trying to plant a flag in my arse and claim me as her's had she known.

That life's over now though. Thanks to the actions of a woman (naturally). Not only a woman, but my former therepist! But I'll save that story for another time.

And anyway, why does this girl think that she's worth someone like that? She doesn't have a job, is not particullaly attractive, is taking meds to keep stable, doesn't own her own house, car, whatever, and isn't actively seeking to improve herself in any way. But then equality is an alien concept to women - which probably why modern feminism is such a load of ********.

I wanted to ask a hypothetical question:

In a community comprised of 100 men and 200 women, how do you think the relationships will play out?

[spoiler]
Roughly 20 men will sleep with nearly all the women while the other 80 or so become bitter and frustrated. The women will say they hate the "lucky" men because they can't keep hold of them, but will continue to pursue them regardless by prostituting themselves for their attention. It's a miserable cycle that is crap for everyone. Well except for those top 20 men. That's true male privilage and it's given to them by women. Kind of ironic in a way.
[/spoiler]