Hey. Thanks you so much for your replies. I don't have many people to talk to, and knowing that somewhere somebody listens to my story already helps a lot.

I am not much better. Three days ago, my girlfriend (ought to say 'ex', I guess) was at home. We had to sign the termination for our rent contract. Unexpectedly, she started crying and told me that she "doesn't want that", referring to the termination. She said that she missed me, and she still hasn't decided. By now, I know that she just went through the same emotional process of detachment I am going through - which is at least some comfort, compared to her being 'just fine'. Still, as she left me in this limbo of uncertainly ("it's most likely over, but I still have to think it over"), it feels like my process of grief and healing got not only reset, but is on halt. I told her that this is a cruel thing to do, but I know she doesn't do it to torture me - it's probably hard for her as well.

Since then I tried to convince myself every day that it really *is* over, but my emotions won't let me do that. "It would be just too good to have a second chance".. I can't purge that thought! It seems I'm stuck until something happens. What makes it worse is that I'm blocked mentally, and can't get anything done.. it's agonazing.