I am trying to dig myself out of this hole. I bought a new skillet since I can't find those lost in the clutter and cooked sausage and eggs. I think that is the first meal I have cooked this year that wasn't just microwave heated. I was feeling encouraged but after about 3 hours I was overcome with fatigue and had to lie quietly in my room. Sometimes it feels like there is too much input coming in to process. I had hoped to take my son to a movie today but I simply don't have the energy. I am so disappointed with myself.

I e-mailed my doc but he has not responded yet so I am on my own, I suppose.

To those who questioned my mention of suicide in my post:

First let me say that I have read that we are not supposed to talk about suicide in the forums and I am somewhat confused as what that means. I am thinking it is in the context that someone would say "oh I think I'll just end it all today" and stir the emotions of those on this board as would somebody seeking attention or a troll. But suicide is very real and I would hope that we could talk honestly for it is something many of us here have thought about and some have tried. If I am wrong, correct me.

Actually I was seriously contemplating suicide in June this year when I checked myself into a psychiatric hospital as far as printing the map to my suicide destination. I am not that seriously thinking of it now but I fear the lability of my emotions may one day take me there again. A week after my son was born I attempted suicide. I asked for help. When I called my ob-gyn he told me to drink a beer. Asking for help doesn't always get help. I know the incidence of suicide with my type of mental illness and that frightens me.

I am feeling very depressed but not with intent to die today. I have done what I know to do to find help: 1. posted here, 2. counseled with my personal therapist, 3. e-mailed my doctor

Still I am overwhelmed and running out of hope for change. Please tell me there's a way to get out of here.