Thanks everyone for your support. I was up until 2 last night unfortunately. Right now I can't take anything for sleep because it all interacts with either the Invega or the emsam. The only thing I could take is a benzo and I don't want to take a benzo and become dependent on it. My pdoc said the same thing and won't prescribe it. Christina, you're right, the first year is the hardest. It's been ten months. It's definitely getting easier as time goes on. It goes through cycles - I'll be fine for awhile and then something will trigger me and I'll get sad again. I had a dream with my husband in it the other night and I think that triggered me missing him. It's almost like he was coming to visit me because in the dream he was there but I knew he was dead and I took the opportunity to talk to him for a little while. I even got to yell at him for being so stupid and taking those drugs.

Right now I'm taking melatonin and valerian root to help me. It's been working, just not the past couple of days. I'm hoping when I start work again I'll be so tired that I'll be able to fall asleep easier. Right now I'm just laying around during the day. I go to therapy some days for half the day but then I just watch tv until my I have to pick my son up from school. I haven't been to the gym in two months, which is definitely something I have to change.

i wish I could not eat after dinner but I get so hungry that I need a snack around ten pm or else I won't sleep because I'm distracted by the hunger. I usually just have a bowl of cereal. Corn Pops or Cheerios, something relatively low sugar.

I just have to keep carrying on, like I've been doing. Maybe I could write in my journal before I go to bed, to get all those thoughts out. That might help.