Thank you all! One thing i'm unsure about is if I've used drugs to deal with bi polar episodes or if the drugs caused the episodes(could be both). Couldn't an addict have a lot of the symptoms while using? I mean i've been using off and on since i was 17. I can't remember much of how i felt exactly before i used drugs, but i was a bit crazy at times, that could be attributed to a lot of things though. I really felt like Cartman from South Park if you guys know who that is lol. Just with a lot more empathy and feelings of guilt/shame for what i'd do. I've been working hard on staying clean lately, but still only have a couple weeks solid, a few off and ons the last few months before that. last year i was clean for around 6 months and i felt much better during that time, but i'd notice almost like clockwork every month or so i'd be depressed for a few days usually starting by looking in the mirror and hating myself after a slow morning/afternoon and then snap back out of it and workout like a machine constantly for the majority of the days. Sometimes a particular event, thought, interaction with someone, or whatever could cause me to hit that depressive wall as well, or that hyper mode if something good happened. I tend to have tons of trouble getting out of bed in the morning almost every day. I'll lay there for hours sometimes even if i feel energized after i get up.

Anyone have an idea on how to distinguish bi-polar from addiction, or let me know if any of this stuff i mentioned sounds familiar to you? Thanks again everyone i'm just really trying to figure myself out.