I'm afraid. Tonight I go for my MRI. It's technically tomorrow. 12:25am April 2. I've been laid up since Jan 30. Waiting for MRI for 7 weeks dealing with this injury for 3 months cast is off but still so much pain. If I move the wrong way I feel sick from pain and cry. I guess I'm a bit of a baby.

I'm afraid of the machine this time, I have never been afraid before and I've had a few MRI's.

I'm afraid of the results. If I need surgery I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm getting married end of May.

I spontaneously cry for no reason or for thinking too much about my leg. Am I feeling sorry for myself? Yes, I suppose I am in a way.

I wish I had broken it. It would be healed but no, had to blow out the tendons and ligaments knee up to back and groin. UGH!

Then I think I should just be happy I'm alive because 2" either way and I could have been killed or hurt a lot worse.

Then the sui ideation emotions rise and I feel like a loser and so alone. Wondering if its worth it.

I have good days too. Last night I didn't get much sleep I moved the wrong way and woke myself out of a very pleasant sleep. Then couldn't get back to sleep. This lack of sleep triggers everything. I know this. I do have good days, I really do.

I am afraid today. I am afraid for the results. I am in so much pain I should just be happy I am having the test. I am afraid. I wish it would all just magically go away.

I'm afraid I won't be able to keep my leg from moving. It gets uncomfortable very quickly. Maybe they can support it somehow?

Idk. All this anxiety must be high as my new med has been really good in controlling the anxiety. Maybe I need a nap !